I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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