Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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