East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
