mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
