do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
