You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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