I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
