I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
