i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
