Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
