Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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