i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
