I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
