we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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