There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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