for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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