Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
