can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
