Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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