Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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