I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
