the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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