he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
