She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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