We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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