I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
