so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
