WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
