Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
