That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
