Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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