Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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