My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
