Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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