my being single is dangerous.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
