Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
