Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
