The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
