Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
