I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
