sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
