alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
