new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ok first of all what the fuck
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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