New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
