While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
