i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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