I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
