To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
