9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
