Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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